Talk Therapy At Work (T)
A-Z Series at Psychology@Work
In this article, I aim to present an unofficial guide to office chatter – transforming everyday workplace banter into something almost as therapeutic as a session on a plush therapist's couch.
Don’t worry; I’m not proposing your colleagues replace your therapists. I aim to share evidence-based psychotherapy principles to enhance your daily office conversations.
Imagine a workplace where discussions flow harmoniously rather than descend into confusion. That’s the vision we’ll explore! Let’s start with an overview of how talk therapy elements can subtly influence office interactions. Mental health is no longer confined to the therapist’s office; it's increasingly relevant. I’ll share strategies to manage your and other’s expressed emotions and thoughts to enrich work relationships and cultivate a more supportive environment over coffee or tea. We’ll explore how conversations with colleagues can reflect therapeutic exchanges and how positive social interactions can drive a thriving workplace atmosphere.
Socializing at Work: More Than Just Small Talk
In the bustling world of office life, those 20-30-minute coffee breaks and lunch gatherings with close colleagues are more than just casual chit-chat. They're the fabric of our workday relationships, where we share joys, frustrations, and experiences about our workplace.
These conversations often see us playing the roles of validators and sympathizers, echoing sentiments like, "I know," "Totally feel the same way," or expressing astonishment with "I can't believe it…" or "How shocking!" We often offer opinions or advice, saying, "This is so wrong, you must do something…".
While these exchanges might seem innocuous, they are akin to tiny droplets that can either nourish the plant of workplace camaraderie or erode the foundations of trust and morale. Picture this: your words can build bridges between cubicles, transforming the dreaded Monday blues into Monday motivation. Conversely, they can amplify a colleague's hurt feelings, potentially steering them toward revenge. It's a tightrope walk where every word can tilt the balance.
Healthy sharing and conversations at work are indeed powerful tools. But wielding this power effectively requires more than just good intentions. It calls for a certain finesse – an understanding of the art of conversation.
To navigate this landscape effectively, I'm laying out two things: 1) The learnings from various psychotherapy frameworks and 2) Well-researched and evidence-based principles to have "good conversations for good impact." The fundamental principles in section 2 are outlined and borrowed from the wisdom of "Talk Therapy," also known as Psychotherapy, offering a blueprint for enriching everyday dialogues at work. Let's dissect these principles, turning each one into a tool for building a more cohesive, understanding, and dynamic workplace.
Section 1: What do the frameworks of Psychotherapy tell us?
A) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Consider these core principles:
Encouraging a Shift in Thought Patterns: One helpful approach involves gently questioning any automatic negative thoughts or intentions that your colleague might express during your lunchtime conversation. It can be valuable to assist them in focusing on the facts and distinguishing them from assumptions.
Cultivating Presence and Mindfulness: As a colleague, it can be beneficial to fully engage in conversations, practicing active listening without immediately planning a response. This also entails being aware of your own reactions and emotions during these discussions, which can lead to a calmer and more effective response. Staying grounded in the conversation’s ‘here and now’ can prevent past conflicts or future worries from overshadowing the current interaction and topic analysis.
B) Humanistic Therapy
Explore these foundational principles:
Embracing Self-Actualization: This approach encourages the genuine expression of one's true self during conversations, promoting authenticity and deeper connections through honest sharing of feelings and viewpoints while respecting others.
Fostering an Other-Centered Approach: Consider adopting an attitude of empathy and positive regard, being non-judgmental and supportive. This approach helps build trust and creates a sense of safety in conversations.
C) Psychodynamic Therapy
Delve into this central concept:
Encouraging Reflection on Underlying Motivations: Although it can be challenging, you might attempt to help your colleague understand the conflicts within their mind, thoughts, and feelings, which may stem from deeper, unconscious motivations. Encourage them to reflect on what might be driving their personal reactions in various situations.
Section 2: How to be a great "Talk Therapist" at work
If we take the above dominant principles from psychotherapy, we can convert them into simple and practical advice for ourselves. Below is my attempt to expand on some of those principles:
A) The Art of Active Listening
This isn't just about hearing words; it's about tuning into the emotions and undercurrents behind them. Think of it as listening not just with your ears but with your heart. Some of how others know you are listening is when you engage in the following:
Being Attentive, Curious, and Open: Try to approach each conversation with the curiosity of an explorer, seeking to discover new lands of understanding and perspectives. Steer clear of dismissing or downplaying your colleague's emotions. Instead, encourage them to express their feelings and concerns, ensuring them that their perspective is valued. Align your response with the emotional context and the individual's needs. A well-timed joke can lighten the mood, but it can also backfire if misaligned with the emotional tone of the situation
Engaging in Reflective Listening: Reflecting and paraphrasing your colleague's words is like holding up a mirror, ensuring the reflection is accurate and true to their intentions. Engage in reflective practice by seeking feedback on your responses to colleagues' emotions. Distinguish between the objective and subjective, asking them to share their stories regarding events and their reactions and analysis.
B) The Art of Making it Safe
It is critical to establish mutual respect for open and honest communication. You can enable this through non-judgmental reactions. Try to anticipate and prepare for crucial conversations like a seasoned chess player, always thinking a few moves ahead. Recognize the signs of when to engage in deeper dialogue, ensuring you're neither blindsided nor unprepared, and when to cut the conversations short for another time when you can give them the space, time, and attention.
C) Balancing Validation with Respectful Disagreements
Let your empathy shine through, validating your colleagues' experiences where you feel you can relate to them. For instance, if a colleague is stressed about a deadline, saying, "I understand how challenging this project is," can go a long way. Reserve physical gestures like an affirming nod or a supportive pat on the back (where appropriate) for moments when words fall short. But it is equally important to challenge unhealthy perspectives with respect – so that you can help spark the light that fires innovative solutions and deeper understanding. It would help if you tried to be open to facing complex topics explicitly and tackle issues head-on. You can achieve this by caring and enjoying the process of conversations while balancing commitment and detachment to any single outcome.
D) Steering Away from Toxic Negativity to Hope
It is beneficial for everyone to engage in constructive feedback over gossip. Steering the conversation away from toxic gossip is akin to choosing a nutritious meal over fast food –healthier and more satisfying in the long run. Another way to move away from reactionary negativity is by asking the other to identify some positive aspects, even in the most challenging situations. Utilize strategies like reappraisal or positive reframing to help colleagues view challenges from a different, more positive perspective. For example, if a colleague is disappointed with feedback, you might say, "This feedback is really a roadmap for your incredible growth potential in this area.". While doing this, you must be aware of your reactions – keeping a pulse on your emotional responses. Practicing self-compassion and self-soothing is akin to maintaining the right altitude in flight – too high or too low can be problematic.
E) Adopt a Solution-Focused Approach
One of your goals in the conversations could be to create a sense of collaboration. Try to cultivate a shared environment for problem-solving, moving away from blame to fixing things. It's like being a gardener who focuses on nurturing the plants rather than hunting down the pests. Some good ways to conclude conversations can be to agree on a joint decision to either come back to discuss the topic or help the other to chart the course for their journey ahead.
By embracing these principles, you can ensure that your conversations at work are not just exchanges of words but catalysts for positive change and mutual growth. Applying psychotherapy insights to workplace conversations calls for warmth and a desire to connect. Encourage positive thinking and mindfulness, embrace self-expression, and focus on others. Reflect on motivations, listen actively, create a safe environment, balance validation, and respectful disagreement, and steer conversations toward solutions. Remember, what you say and how you speak in the work place can either be a seed that grows into a tree of trust and collaboration or a weed that chokes healthy communication. Choose wisely!